恰恰相反,我看上去皮膚蒼白,甚至不是因?yàn)樗{(lán)眼睛或紅頭發(fā)之類的反襯,盡管天天在曬太陽。我雖然一直很苗條,但不知怎么搞的,老是松松垮垮的,一看就不是運(yùn)動(dòng)員;我手眼的協(xié)調(diào)性很差,做運(yùn)動(dòng)時(shí)很難不出洋相,不傷到自己和站得離自己太近的人。
When I finished putting my clothes in the old pine dresser,I took my bag of bathroom necessities and went to the communal bathroom to clean myself up after the day of travel.I looked at my face in the mirror as I brushed through my tangled,damp hair.Maybe it was the light,but already I looked sallower,unhealthy.My skin could be pretty-it was very clear,almosttranslucent-looking-but it all depended on color.I had no color here.
把衣服放進(jìn)了我那口破舊的松木穿衣柜后,我拿起我的那袋浴室用品,去了那間公共浴室,洗去了這一天旅行下來的風(fēng)塵。梳理那頭纏結(jié)在一起的濕漉漉的頭發(fā)時(shí),我照了照鏡子。也許是因?yàn)楣饩€的緣故,我看上去已經(jīng)越發(fā)發(fā)灰發(fā)黃、有點(diǎn)不健康了。我的皮膚本來可以很漂亮的——非常亮,幾乎透明——只可惜它的顏色發(fā)暗了。我到了這里變得黯然無色了。
面對(duì)鏡子里蒼白的自己,我不得不承認(rèn)是在欺騙自己。我到哪兒都不適應(yīng)的,不單單是身體方面。如果我在3000人的學(xué)校里都找不到一個(gè)容身之所,那么在這里又能有什么機(jī)會(huì)呢?
I didn't relate well to people my age.Maybe the truth was that I didn't relate well to people,period.Even my mother,who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet,was never inharmony with me,never on exactly the same page.Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs.Maybe there was a glitch in my brain.
我跟自己的同齡人相處不好?;蛟S,事實(shí)是我跟誰都相處不好,就這么回事。就連我媽媽,這個(gè)世界上比誰都親的人,都沒有跟我融洽過一回,從來都沒有意見完全一致過。有時(shí)候,我在想我眼里所看到的和世上所有其他人眼里看到的是不是同樣的東西。也許,我腦袋里哪里短路。
But the cause didn't matter.All that mattered was the effect.And tomorrow would be just the beginning.
不過原因并不重要,重要的是結(jié)果。明天不過是剛剛開始。