The new Enterprise heads out on its maiden voyage to contact the Bandi people of Deneb IV.
Enter Wesley Crusher, played by my buddy... She's hooked.
An end of an era. Boy, if these walls could talk.
They'd say, "Why does he touch himself so much?" Yeah.
I can't believe I'm not going to live here anymore.
This has always been my bedroom.
Right here is where my mom used to mark my height.
Oh, yeah. Fifth grade. Sixth grade. Seventh grade. Eighth grade. Ninth grade.
I remember when I was five, hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy.
Had some Peanut M&M'S, went into my first anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock.
Sometime around the third Almond Joy. Okay.
Yeah, I guess. Hey, would you do me a favor? Go on ahead.
I just want one last moment alone in my old room.
We're not standing outside by the UHaul while you fondle yourself.
Fine, let's go. What brings you in?
Penny, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have a conversation about girls.
佩妮,如果你不介意我想跟你談?wù)勁?/div>
I had a feeling we'd have a talk like this sooner or later.
我早預(yù)感到我們遲早會聊到的
Are you finally getting fuzz in weird places?
你某個(gè)奇怪的地方終于長毛了嗎
Penny, please, I'm on the horns of a relationship dilemma.
佩妮,拜托。我現(xiàn)在進(jìn)退兩難
And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair by the time I was 19.
同時(shí)聲明我到19歲那年就已經(jīng)長完了濃密的陰毛
And for the record... So what are you drinking?
同時(shí)我也聲明...你打算喝點(diǎn)什么
Well, it's been a rough day.
今天超不順
I usually go chamomile tea, but I don't think that's going to cut it.
我通常喝甘菊茶但我覺得喝那個(gè)沒用了
You could have a Long Island Iced Tea.
你可以來一杯長島冰茶呀
Will that calm my nerves?
那個(gè)能舒緩我的神經(jīng)嗎
It's calmed the pants off me a couple of times. Sold.
好幾次把我舒緩到褲子都"沒了"來一杯
So, the heart you got from the wizard giving you trouble?
你那巫師得來的心臟讓你陷入麻煩了嗎
The trouble isn't with me, Penny, it's with your gender.
問題不在我這,佩妮而在你們女人身上
Someday, scientists will discover that second X chromosome contains nothing but nonsense and twaddle.
總有一天,科學(xué)家們會發(fā)現(xiàn)女性的第二條X染色體除了胡說和廢話之外 其他一無所有
Yeah, Amy told me what happened.
是啊,艾米告訴我發(fā)生了什么事
Look, just apologize. It'll warm her twaddle.
聽著,道歉就行它會融解她的廢話
It's a bandaid at best.
那頂多治標(biāo)不治本
The core problem is that Amy and Wil do not like each other.
核心問題在于艾米和威爾互相討厭
Which is baffling because they're both crazy about me.
這點(diǎn)很莫名其妙 因?yàn)樗麄兌紴槲野V狂
And I like them, which indicates they're bright and interesting and/or were on Star Trek.
我也喜歡他們倆這表明他們是聰明人 并且還喜歡或曾演過《星際迷航》
Honey, you can't make people like each other. Not true.
親愛的,你不能逼別人互相喜歡。非也
Leonard made me like you.
萊納德讓我喜歡你
And let me tell you, that was a hard row to hoe. Cheers, pal.
不瞞你說,這事可不容易啊。干杯吧,姐們
Boy, that is a treat that's hard to beat.
好家伙,這可真是一杯無與倫比的飲品
Get the Mad Hatter on the horn, I'm having a tea party.
快讓瘋帽先生來吧,我要開個(gè)茶話會(瘋帽先生《愛麗絲夢游仙境》角色喜歡舉辦茶話會)
You might want to pace yourself.
你或許該慢慢喝
I drink tea all the time.
我常喝茶啦
I think I know what I'm doing.
我懂我在干嘛
Far be it from me to criticize a man with a full pubis.
我沒資格批評一位長齊陰毛的人啊
Look, Sheldon, your problem is not Wil Wheaton, okay?
謝爾頓 問題不在威爾·惠頓這,好嗎
Your problem is the way you treated Amy.
你的問題在于你對待艾米的方式
My problem is I'm out of tea.
我的問題是我的茶喝光了
Come on, someone insulted your girlfriend and you just let him do it.
拜托,有人對你女友出言不遜你卻聽之任之
I thought you Texas guys stood up for your womenfolk.
我還以為德州爺們會為女友挺身而出呢
Penny, please, I think I've evolved beyond my simple rustic upbringing. Sorry.
得了吧,佩妮,我可比頭腦簡單的鄉(xiāng)野村夫有教養(yǎng)。抱歉
On the other hand, that lowdown polecat done wronged my woman.
不過話說回來那個(gè)卑鄙小人敢對我女人口出狂言
Welcome to Long Island, Tex. Amy deserves better.
"長島"的酒勁上來了,德州仔,艾米不應(yīng)該被這樣對待
You know, when we buy the Planter's deluxe mix, she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them.
我們買紳士什錦果仁時(shí)她會幫我先吃光巴西堅(jiān)果這樣我就不用看到它們
She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.
她是獨(dú)一無二的圣人與松鼠結(jié)合體
Yeah, that she is. Here you go.
對,她是的。給你
I'm a callous egomaniac. She's gonna leave me. No, she won't.
我無情麻木又自我,她會離開我的,她不會的
No, she won't. I'm great.
對,她不會的。我這么棒的男人
Okay, I have now officially moved out of my mother's house.
好了,現(xiàn)在我正式搬出了我母親大人的家
You are now the only woman in my life who I'll see naked in the bathroom.
現(xiàn)在我生活中唯一會在浴室撞見的裸女就剩你啦
I know this wasn't easy. You doing okay? Oh, I'm fine.
我知道這不容易。你還好嗎?我沒事
It's just her I'm worried about. Aw, she'll be okay.
我只是擔(dān)心我媽。她不會有事的
She's a grown woman. I know.
她是成年人,我知道
It's just ever since my dad left, I've felt responsible for her.
只是我爸離開后我就覺得我對她有責(zé)任
That's a lot for a kid to deal with.
這對一個(gè)孩子來說責(zé)任太重了
She was just so sad all the time.
她總是很傷心
Yeah, I was the only person who could cheer her up.
我是唯一可以令她開心起來的人
Well, me and Ben and Jerry.
我還有"本與杰瑞"牌冰淇淋
She's lucky you were there.
她很幸運(yùn)能有你的陪伴
You know, she's why I first got into magic.
因?yàn)樗?我才學(xué)魔術(shù)的
I would do little shows for her, hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain, put on a top hat and cape.
我會表演給她看掛上床單好像幕布一樣戴上禮帽 穿上披風(fēng)
And part way through the act, I would say I needed a volunteer from the audience to be my beautiful assistant and invite her up on stage.
表演中我會說我需要從觀眾中請一位志愿者做我美麗的助手邀請她上臺
I can still remember the way she'd smile.
我依然記得她當(dāng)時(shí)笑的樣子
For a few minutes, she'd... forget how lonely she was.
在那短暫的幾分鐘里,她...忘了自己有多孤單
Aw, crap. Let's go. Where we going? Grab a box.
見鬼,走吧。去哪里?搬個(gè)箱子
We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight.
我們今晚睡你母親家
No, but I want to live here.
可我想住在這里
Well, you should've thought of that before you told me the stupid magic trick story.
在你告訴我那個(gè)傻逼催淚魔術(shù)故事前就該想到這點(diǎn)了
Can't we talk about this?
我們不能談?wù)剢?/div>
No husband of mine is gonna break his mother's heart! Wil Wheaton! Wil Wheaton!
我的老公決不允許傷他老娘的心。威爾·惠頓,威爾·惠頓
Wait, how many was that? Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
等等,敲了幾下了?謝爾頓,什么事
Wouldn't you like to know?
你真的想知道嗎
Have you been drinking? Just tea.
你喝酒了嗎?只是喝了茶
The best tea I've ever had. Why are you here?
我這輩子喝過的最好喝的茶。你來干嘛?
I'll tell you. I'm from Texas. Need I say more?
我告訴你吧。我是德州仔。還需要我多說嗎
Yeah, actually, a little more would be helpful.
是的,多說一點(diǎn)我比較明白
You insulted my woman.
你對我的女人出言不遜
I'm here to defend her honor. Two! It was two. Wil Wheaton!
我是來為她討回公道的。兩下!敲了兩下。威爾·惠頓
Now prepare yourself for what may come.
現(xiàn)在準(zhǔn)備好接受制裁吧
Oh, Sheldon, do you really think we're gonna fight?
謝爾頓,你不會真覺得我們會打起來吧
My fists are not up here because I'm milking a giant invisible cow.
我的拳頭抬起來可不是給巨型隱形奶牛擠奶的
They're up to beat an apology out of you.
是要把道歉的話從你嘴里揍出來的
Okay, I'm sorry.
好的,對不起
Well, that was a long bus ride for not very much.
坐這么遠(yuǎn)的公車來可真不值啊
Are you okay? You're asking a lot of questions, Wil Wheaton.
你還好嗎?你問的問題太多了,威爾·惠頓
As a matter of idle curiosity, which of your shrubberies do you feel would benefit from a thorough vomiting?
只是好奇問下你覺得你家哪片灌木叢可以被嘔吐物施肥一下
Never mind, I'll choose. You were so good in Stand by Me.
算了,我自己選。你在《伴我同行》里的表演太精彩了惠頓1986年出演的電影
Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
大家好,我是謝爾頓·庫珀博士
Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents: Fun with Flags.
歡迎收看謝爾頓·庫珀出品的《有趣的旗幟》
Get ready for a very special episode where we explore the flags of the popular entertainment franchise, Star Trek.
這是非常特殊的一集我們將介紹熱門影集《星際迷航》中的旗幟
And to help us, I'm pleased to introduce a special guest surprisingly, it only took gas money
我很榮幸請到這位來幫忙的特邀嘉賓出乎意料的只需要給點(diǎn)油錢
and the promise of free food to get him here Mr. LeVar Burton.
跟答應(yīng)他有吃的就愿意來了勒瓦爾·伯特先生(曾出演過多部星際電影)
Hey, Sheldon, it's a pleasure to be here.
你好,謝爾頓,很榮幸來到這里
Well, we've got some interesting flags for...Cut!
有些很有意思的旗幟...停
Yikes, this guy is worse than Wil Wheaton.
媽呀 這家伙比威爾·惠頓還爛
I don't know what she's talking about, but I'm obligated to agree with her.
我不知道她在胡說什么但我有義務(wù)同意她的話
She's my girlfriend. Ah, I hear you, brother.
她是我的女朋友。明白,兄弟
I still get lunch, right?
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